The Bitter Taste of Love A Jasper Fanfic
by Adeline May
Summary: Jasper is feeling rather depressed due to the problems he's facing in his life. He feels almost ready to give up, but then he runs into someone who makes him change his mind...


On a cold, snowy day in mid-January, Jasper Hale sat in the dead center of a cheerfully bright room, which greatly contrasted to the mood he was in. The woman he was awaiting seemed to be running late, and he waiting for her clenched hands and a frowning mouth. Trying to take his mind off current issues, he tried to remember what the receptionist had said the woman's name was; Lee, or Riley perhaps? It didn't really matter, as long as she could help sort out his problem.

Suddenly, a small figured woman burst into the room, a jumble of papers under one arm, a pen tucked behind her ear, and a mug of coffee sloshing about in her hand. She had a kind smile and a mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes. Oh horrors. It couldn't be.

"You must be Jasper!" The woman grinned broadly, closing the door behind her. "My name is Renee Dwyer, and I'll be your therapist for the next several weeks."

No. There wasn't a chance in hell that this was happening. After traveling all the way to Florida, far from the small town of Forks, to secretly receive the counseling he desperately needed, this was impossible. How in the cruel world could his new therapist be Bella Swan's Mother?!

"Sorry about the messiness of the room, I'm not a perfectionist by any means," Renee was saying. "People tell me I've got my head in the clouds, and I tell them I'm just more fun that them!"

Much to distracted to laugh at the joke, Jasper instead scanned the room for the first time, noticing a picture on the desk in the corner, a picture of a smiling young woman in a wedding dress, and a man dressed in a crisp suit at her side. How could he have been so absorbed in his own stupid problems that he didn't notice that?

Setting down her coffee and flopping her papers onto her lap, Renee smoothed out her hair and turned to face Jasper. Immediately a surprised look crossed her face. "Say, have we met before?"

"No, we haven't," Jasper said quickly, repressing the emotion in his voice.

"Are you sure? I could have sworn I've seen you somewhere!"

"No!" The anger burst out of Jasper in the form of a spiteful hiss.

Renee's face suddenly appeared frightened. "I'm sorry. It's not a big deal. Just that I like running into people I know..."

"Well then it sucks that you _don't _know me, doesn't it!" Jasper was determined that the vampire confessing such personal problems to Renee couldn't also be the "man" she had met at her daughter's wedding.

"I'm sorry," Renee said again, and she appeared to be quivering.

Eventually, the anger drained from Jasper's face and he sighed, ashamed of himself. "No, I'm sorry. I have trouble containing my feelings sometimes. I've worked on it for a while, but sometimes it still bursts out whether I want it to or not."

Slowly, Renee ventured forward and gave Jasper a sympathetic pat on the knee. "Hey, it's alright. We all have our own issues, right? Maybe that's one of the things I can help you with. But you know, you're my only appointment all day, and we can talk about whatever you want for as long as you want."

"Well I don't want this to be a daylong session, as I have things to do. I was thinking I'd just lay everything on the table right now, and you can help me decide which path to take from there."

"That's what they pay me for, dear. And once you realize your problems have solutions, you may also realize that you're a lot more normal than you had previously thought. Most of my clients find that, anyways."

Yeah, that was him alright, normal as can be. Jasper, who only half an hour ago in the car had gnawed on a bone of a weasel he had caught on a hunting excursion earlier that morning. You couldn't get much more average than that.

"Also, just to let you know, even though you say you'd like today's session to be quick, you can get advice to me almost any time you'd like. When you get home you can follow my blog, "The Neurotic Therapist", and listen to my radiobroadcast series week days from 4:00 to 4:30 on Bott FM. Woo, can't believe I remembered all that! Now don't just let me jabber on, go ahead honey." Renee straightened the papers on her lap and gave Jasper an encouraging smile.

Looking at his feet, Jasper shuddered. He knew what he had to do, it was only a matter of getting it done. "I've been...confused lately. My wife and I, we're not nearly as close as we were before. I think I know what the interlying problem is, and I've known it for a long time, but I desperately don't want it to be true. I've been trying to bury it deep inside me for years, and it worked for a time. Three years ago though, a resolve inside me broke. It's never been the same since that day."

After scribbling something on her paper, Renee looked up and gave Jasper a long, hard stare, as if she were trying to see through him. "You know Jasper, you seem like a pretty young guy. How long have you been with your wife?"

"Erm, four years."

"Okay. Now, I'm going to give you a little piece of something called knowledge from experience, and I want you to hear me out, okay?"

Jasper nodded.

"Sweetheart, everyone has things they want in their lives. A good career, friends, and a partner seem to be the top three for most. In fact, people want these things so much that often they don't know how many options they have in each of these matters. Many people stick to jobs that they hate for a long time because they think there's nothing else out there for them. A lot of people stay with spouses they don't really love because they don't believe they can find security in another person. People hate change, and most of all they don't want to thwart their plans for the future by breaking off with the only thing they know. Do you know what I'm saying, Jasper?"

Jasper did know what she was saying. Over the shock of the situation, he had been listening with militant attention, and he knew that what she was one of the few pieces of advice he had heard in months that seemed to be making sense. For the first time in the duration of the appointment, he smiled. "Thank you. That was just what I needed to hear."

Renee beamed. "You seem to be a sweet guy, Jasper. I'm sure you have a lot of options in what to do with your life. However, I think that one thing you should work one is giving a good first impression. From your body language at the beginning at the session, I thought you were a little farouche. You just have to drop that woe-is-me attitude and learn to smile and enjoy life."

Jasper clenched his jaw to make sure his annoyance at this was unexposed. How was it possible for him not to have such an attitude when he was damned to be miserable for all eternity?

"When you do those things, the next step for you will be to make a connection with something good that you don't have, because other things are holding you back. I think you should inform your wife of this, and hopefully she'll give you the space and understanding you need. And Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"My last piece of advice to you is to think before you misspeak. You didn't that at one instance of today's meeting, and I saw an angry side of you. To er is to be human, but that doesn't mean there aren't things you can do to minimize those errors. I want you to think about that this week."

Wow, who knew Bella's mom gave such sage advice? Jasper would have stayed longer if the situation was different, but according to the clock on the wall it was already approaching mid afternoon, and Jasper didn't want his family to become any more suspicious.

"Well thank you very much, Renee." Jasper stood up to shake her hand. "That was just what I needed to hear. I hope I'll be able to put your advice into practice."

"You're very welcome, sweetheart." Renee gave his hand a firm shake. "I look forward to your next visit. There's a bowl of mixed nuts by the door on the way out if you're hungry."

"Thank you." It amazed even Jasper how many secrets he kept sometimes.

Pulling on his coat and stepping out of the office, Jasper walk down the hallway until he reached a flight of stairs. There were many flights until he reached the floor where the exit was, and from there an even longer walk because he had parked Carlisle's Mercedes far from the building. Both of these factors gave him lots of time to think.

At times he couldn't believe himself, couldn't believe that his problems bothered him so much. He couldn't believe that he didn't want to be with Alice anymore, when for years she was the only one who kept him sane. He had nearly left her several times, but he couldn't bear hurting her that way. He had said so many hurtful things to her when he was trying to express his anger, and for so long she had forgiven him and tried to fix things between them. Lately she was starting to get more fed up with his behaviour though. Just last week, after he said that he didn't love her like he used to, she had given him a backhand across the face! But that slap didn't hurt nearly as much as all the mixed feelings bubbling up inside him, and further more he knew he deserved it.

Finally Jasper had reached the floor with the exit, he pushed open the door, letting in a blustering wind and flurry of flakes before he stepped outside. It was bitterly cold out, but Jasper's wool jacket was light and uninsulated, as the only chill he ever felt was in his heart. Stepping down a snow-covered sidewalk, he turned left at a corner and headed down the street to where he had parked his car. He thought about some of the advice Renee had given him, but he knew it would be hard to put it into practice. After so many years he had managed to control his want for human blood, learned how to act properly in public places, but yet he had never managed to tame his desires, to stop having such strong temptations for something he didn't want to happen. He felt like he needed some good hits, but even Alice hadn't been able to whack the feelings out of him. He was so tired of keeping everything in the dark.

He walked further and further down the street, past a restaurant with a sign on the window announcing that they "now serve various cobblers", and a car dealership which he recalled going in once to look for new toys. He could see the Mercedes parked down a few yards away and, barring a snowstorm, he knew he'd be home in a short enough amount of time that his family wouldn't start becoming suspicious.

Looking at his feet as he trudged, Jasper was so occupied with his own thoughts that he didn't notice the couple walking towards him, and accidentally bumped into the woman. They both began to fall back, but Jasper's regained his footing and caught the woman in his strong grip.

"I'm sorry -", he started, but immediately stopped when he saw her face. No. It couldn't be. But if that was her, then her partner...

"Fools, everywhere!", the man was saying, and as Jasper turned to him a gasp caught in his throat. "This is precisely why I don't like walking in the city, Kebi. Idiots who don't pay attention really test my patience!"

He gave Jasper a hard look, but it quickly turned into one of surprise. "This can't be...is that...is that you, Jasper Hale?"

Jasper managed to nod, hardly willing to believe this was real. At the same time, he felt a peace fall over him and soothe him, and for the first time in a long time he felt that everything might be okay. Three years ago, on that fateful day when he and his friends faced the Volturi for the last time, Jasper had felt another, stronger feeling amidst all the tension and stress of the situation. For the first time in his long, long existence, Jasper had experienced live at first sight. However, he had thought that he would never see Amun, the vampire standing before him, again. But never before had Jasper been glad that he was wrong about something so much.

.


End file.
